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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24310849">A Blank in the Barrel of Your Best Girl's Gun</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/alamorn/pseuds/alamorn'>alamorn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wynonna Earp (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Russian Roulette</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:36:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,747</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24310849</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/alamorn/pseuds/alamorn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Wynonna pays a visit to the shrink that got her institutionalized. It goes badly for her and worse for him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Waverly Earp &amp; Wynonna Earp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Hurt Comfort Exchange 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Blank in the Barrel of Your Best Girl's Gun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steve/gifts">Steve</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Vaguely early season one. </p><p>Warnings for suicidal tendencies.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>From the outside it didn't look like a place that could be filled with bad memories. It was an unassuming building, would have been generic in another town, a richer town, but in Purgatory it stood out by virtue of fresh paint and no rust stains. The blinds were modestly drawn, the sign discreet.</p><p>When Wynonna pulled up, she didn't turn the engine off right away, but sat there idling, taking long pulls from the bottle of cheap whiskey she'd snagged before she left. She wasn't going to get drunk enough to ruin her aim, though she wouldn't mind shooting this one more than once, but she needed the help to get out of the truck and through the door. It had been a long time since she'd been here and she'd promised herself she'd never be back. But Purgatory was full of broken promises. What was one more?</p><p>"All right, Earp. Big girls panties on," she muttered and took one last pull before she turned the engine off with an abrupt twist of her wrist, and then she was in motion, swinging out of the truck and swaggering through the door without giving herself another chance to back out. The waiting room was empty, thank whatever was out there. The reality of hell implied something about the reality of heaven, but she didn't like to think about it too much. The door to the office was open, too, and she went right on in.</p><p>Dr. Ennis Proux looked exactly the same as she remembered, staring at her over the rims of his glasses, papers in hand. Most revenants had the good grace to look as ill-fitting and vicious as they were, but Proux had adapted well to modern life, dressed as well as anyone in Purgatory and kept himself clean shaven. </p><p>"Hey, Doc," she said, with a smile that felt as false as it was, "remember me?"</p><p>He set his papers down, leaned back in his chair. "Wynonna," he said. "Of course I remember you. I hope things have improved for you since our last visit."</p><p>"Since you had me committed?" She made a face, a 'who remembers things like that?' face. "Tell me, did you laugh yourself sick about the irony?"</p><p>Peacemaker was in her hand without a thought, leveled at Proux's forehead. Despite the whiskey, her hands were steady.</p><p>"I did what I believed was best for you," Proux said, and Wynonna lowered her aim, shot him. Light bled from the hole in his shoulder, and he snarled. "I could have killed you, you stupid bitch."</p><p>She pulled one of his chairs up across from his desk, dropped into it, casual except for the gun still trained unwaveringly on him. "Why didn't you? I gotta say, I'm curious about that. Do you wanna know how I found you? Waverly tracked down that more than half of your clients end up killing themselves, thought that was a pretty big coincidence. Me, I don't think it's a coincidence."</p><p>Proux smiled, his eyes hellfire. "I don't kill anyone. Haven't in decades."</p><p>"Don't lie to me," Wynonna said. "I think we're past that, as a community. You know, heir, revenants, I think we should be able to talk honestly to each other, woman to demonic shitstain."</p><p>Proux sighed, sounding awfully put upon for a guy with a bullet hole and his cover blown. "I don't kill people," he said again. "I just," and here he smiled, a deeply unsettling smile. "I like to watch them die. People come to give me their pain, and I take it. No crime in that."</p><p>"No crime," Wynonna tried to scoff, but she was as breathless as if she'd been punched in the gut. </p><p>"You seem upset, Wynonna. Why not tell me about it?" His voice was sugared poison, and it made her want to puke.</p><p>"I'd rather shoot myself than talk to <em>you</em> about my <em>feelings</em>. Hey, that gives me an idea," and she smiled again, a horrible rictus of a grin. "You know, I'm still kind of fuzzy on how this whole thing works," she said, gesturing with Peacemaker. "I've never loaded a bullet in it, see, but it's always shot for me, since I was twelve and killing my family. You think it'd work for Russian Roulette?"</p><p>"You're crazy," he said, as if he was surprised by it.</p><p>"Yeah, well, you're the one who made it official." She spun the cylinder, though she'd never loaded a bullet in any of the chambers, put the barrel to her temple and pulled the trigger without pause. </p><p>"<em>Wynonna</em>," she heard, just as the hammer clicked on nothing. She didn't turn to look at Waverly, just leveled Peacemaker at Proux once more.</p><p>"Your turn," she said, and pulled the trigger.</p><p>She watched him slide down to hell, ignoring Waverly until the ground closed back up as if he'd never been there. "Good riddance," she said, and stood, feeling old and stiff and tired.</p><p>Waverly blocked the doorway, face stricken. "Wynonna," she said again, "what the <em>hell</em>?"</p><p>Wynonna shouldered past her. "What?"</p><p>"Tell me I didn't just see what I think I just saw!" Waverly said, sticking to her heels as Wynonna stomped out of the therapist's office and to her truck.</p><p>"Fine, you didn't see anything. Happy?"</p><p>Waverly managed to get in the passenger seat before Wynonna could lock her out. "<em>No</em>, I'm not happy! Did you know it wouldn't shoot you?"</p><p>Wynonna shrugged, pulling her seatbelt on and throwing the truck into reverse, pitching Waverly against the dashboard. "Yeah, obviously."</p><p>"That wasn't convincing, Wynonna!"</p><p>Wynonna growled with frustration, taking them home twenty miles per hour above speed limit. "No, of course I didn't know, Waverly! I don't anything about how this all works!"</p><p>"And you thought it was a good idea to - to -"</p><p>"Play Russian Roulette with the guy that got me institutionalized? I mean, I've had worse ideas. How did you even find me?"</p><p>"Dolls told me," Waverly said. "I don't think he would have let you go alone if he'd known you were gonna try and <em>kill yourself</em>."</p><p>"What are you going to do? Gonna get me locked up again?" Wynonna snapped.</p><p>Waverly stopped, stunned, went totally silent. When Wynonna looked over, Waverly looked like she'd been slapped, mouth agape, eyes welling with tears. "How could you even say something like that?" she asked. "How could you think I -- Wynonna, I <em>love</em> you."</p><p>"You shouldn't."</p><p>"Well, I <em>do</em>, and nothing you can do will stop me."</p><p>They sat with that a moment, before Waverly continued. "What about me? You would leave me? You'd let the revenants win?"</p><p>"Peacemaker wasn't going to shoot me," Wynonna said, like repeating it would make either of them believe it.</p><p>"You didn't <em>know</em> that. Wynonna -- did you -- have you --"</p><p>"I'm not talking about feelings," Wynonna said firmly and thought about reaching for the whiskey. But if Waverly was upset now, that would push her over the edge, and the last think Wynonna needed was for Waverly to try and put her on suicide watch.</p><p>"Not even with me?" Waverly asked and Wynonna blew out a long breath, fingers tight on the steering wheel.</p><p>"Not even with you, baby girl."</p><p>When she pulled up to the house, she didn't park neatly, just slammed on the brakes and jumped out as soon as it was in park, taking off for the ridgeline past the barn. Apparently, that wasn't clear enough, because she could hear Waverly coming after her, cursing as her heels sank into the soft dirt.</p><p>When she reached the ridge, she realized she'd left the whiskey in the car. "Shit," she muttered, thought about going back for it, but Waverly was on top of her, and latched on hard.</p><p>"We're gonna talk about it or I'm -- I'll tell Dolls," Waverly said triumphantly.</p><p>"Oooh, cheap shot," Wynonna said and threw herself down. From here, the barn looked like a dollhouse. </p><p>"Learned from the best," Waverly said, sitting beside her, close enough that their arms brushed. "Just... I want you to be okay."</p><p>"Asking a lot," Wynonna said, quick and bitten off. Then, carefully, deliberately, she continued. "He, uh, he was the shrink that got me put away. Finding out he was a revenant, I think I'm entitled to a little bit of 'not okay.'"</p><p>Waverly nodded, then threw her arms around Wynonna, pulling her into a hard hug. "Promise me you won't do it again. <em>Promise.</em>"</p><p>Wynonna sighed into Waverly's shoulder, let herself return the clutching hug. "I promise, baby girl."</p><p>Waverly's voice was thick, like she was on the verge of tears. "All I've ever wanted is for you to stay," she said. "Don't be -- don't be a coward, Wynonna."</p><p>As much as Wynonna wanted it to sting, it didn't. She'd've been pretty upset, if she found Waverly with a gun to her own head. "Okay," she said. "If you don't let me go, I'm gonna suffocate in your boobs."</p><p>Waverly released her. "It would serve you right," she said, wiping her eyes. "I'm mad at you."</p><p>"I picked up on that, somehow," Wynonna said. </p><p>"As long as you know," Waverly said. They stared out over their land for a while, then, awkwardly, Waverly said, "If there's ever anything I can do to help..."</p><p>"I'll let you know," Wynonna said, with no plans to do so. "Hey, you could bring me my whiskey."</p><p>"You won't, like, throw yourself off the edge the second I walk away, will you?" Waverly asked dubiously.</p><p>"And what, <em>roll</em>?" Wynonna gestured to the far from sheer drop. "No, I won't roll down the hill without you to hold my hand. Now get me a drink already, I'm breaking out in hives. You <em>know</em> I'm allergic to this feelings shit."</p><p>"Yeah, yeah, big tough Wynonna," Waverly grumbled, getting to her feet and heading for the house.</p><p>While she waited, Wynonna wrapped her arms around her knees. It was almost five, and the shadows had begun to reach their fingers across the land. It was beautiful, and she was still alive, no matter whether she deserved to be or not.</p><p>When Waverly returned, she had a pair of tin cups as well as a bottle of whiskey nicer than the one Wynonna had left in the car. She sat pressed against Wynonna like Wynonna would disappear if they stopped touching and poured generously into each cup.</p><p>They sat there together until the sun set and it was, despite itself, a good day.</p>
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